In my life so far, I have discovered important people who have helped to shape and define who I am.
I have also realized that I am not as quick thinking as I used to be. I need to take the time to absorb information, questions, and ideas. I am impulsive and a passionate person. These characteristics have led me astray many times in my life.
Since September of last year our family has been living with a truly life changing discovery.
My middle son Michael, 17, was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma and has been undergoing chemo therapy. My son’s illness has changed me and I have fear beyond reason. I have feelings I never felt before. Often, I think about what life was like before his illness.
When people speak to me since my son’s sickness and it takes real concentration to understand what they are speaking to me about. Everything seems superficial and so unimportant. That is because my son Michael is a beautiful soul. I knew this from the very first time I held him in my arms. He has a heart bigger than anyone I know. He gives it all in order to make others happy. I am blessed to have three exceptional boys; I have taken a lot for granted.
Out of my three boys, Michael is the quietest. He keeps things inside and if you ask him how he is feeling? His response is, “I’m good….. Really mom….. I’m good”. His response hasn’t changed throughout his chemotherapy. He looks different. He even acts a bit different, but his response hasn’t changed. “I’m good” Could it be that he has life right?? That “Life” is good regardless??
My son has taught me just understanding now how “Good” Life can really be under any circumstance. It’s how we choose our thoughts daily. It is what we appreciate. My children are the greatest source of pride to me and I will forever be grateful for them.
I hope my children will view life through the eyes of nature. I sense that they will feel as safe as I do if they live their life surrounded by it. Nothing makes me feel so secure than that of knowing that nature will continue to survive well after I am gone.
Realizing how small I feel when surrounded by giant trees and the whispers of the leaves being russled by the wind reassures me that this moment is what has to happen and it has to be enough …..For now.
God has given me so much. I have so much to be thankful for, because he made me who I am.
I went to the doctor yesterday and had my yearly physical and discussed this ongoing cold I seem to have lately. It seems like I am susceptible to colds lately.
My blood work came back normal, and my blood pressure is great. He is happy to hear that I quit smoking for the fifth time this year and was happy to hear I have started to exercise again.
After discussing my ongoing concerns about my circumstances and life he stopped me and told me that he thought I was missing something special. In confusion, I stared back at him and he said that I was missing a smile on my face.
A smile on my face??
Is this what my son is also trying to tell me when he tells me “All is good”??
Is this “his version” of a smile under his circumstances?